Before you start judging, you need to quickly understand. All humans have the utter need to be loved and we happen to crave unadulterated affection. In one night, we met the forever and in one night, he left our life.
The story starts how many do, a spark of a flame, a turn to the internet, and making friends with complete strangers begin. I was fully aware of the risks I would be taking when meeting someone over an infamous “murder” site. I craved a longing body to which I could melt into. As an Outer Richmond resident, the constant cold freezes over my innate need to love. But this chance meeting happened like no other, the feelings I felt were unexplained, so let me explain.
As I’m scrolling the site from one dick pic to another, a certain ad catches my attention. A built Chinese MAN under 30, no racial hang ups, proper punctuation, let’s talk. All things that I look for in a man, I hastily respond from my dead Gmail account with a normally clothed picture.
Me: “Hey would love to hang out tonight if you’re down.”
I attach a very pg photo of myself, my face slightly covered with my phone and my hair falling against my cheeks.
Him: “I love your locks, I can be over in an hour…”
He sends a photo back, it must be too good to be true. As we’re told as kids, you should judge anyone by their looks, personality is always king but I had become very interested in his smile, the dimples that acted as pools, his mocha, ivory skin that gleamed.
Me: “That’s totally fine, here’s my number ………”
I had plunged hard into this encounter, knowing full well that the photo could have been possibly pulled from the internet.
I feel a buzz come from my iPhone, a number that was not in my contacts, “Hey it’s ________, I’m going to hop in the shower and drive over there. Is it alright if I give my friend your number? We have a buddy system.” He think’s I’m the serial killer. I respond, “Sure!” My thoughts start racing, is he an undercover cop? Am I going to walk into my kitchen and be trapped by To Catch a Predator's Chris Hansen? He said he was 27, I’m clearly younger than him. I keep my mind busy with editing photos and stories for the next hour.
An hour passes by. I text him, “Let me know when you’re on your way!” He immediately responds, “I should be heading out in the next 5 minutes, I can’t wait. I’m so excited with anticipation. ;)” His use of vocabulary immediately turns me on.
Another 15 minutes rolls past and it’s 12:20 a.m., by this point in time. I light a candle, turn off my lights, and wait patiently. As the clock ticks over to 12:40 a.m. my phone starts to rings.
Me: “Hello hello!”
Him: “Hey ______! I just parked so I should be strolling up soon.”
Me: “Ok, I’ll come down and get you ~”
Him: “See you soon.”
I throw on slippers and gladly hop down the stairs. I was greeted by the man who looked exactly like his pictures. Cute smile, gorgeous dimples, and a build that could be reminiscent of college days of yore.
“Hey how are you?” he asks me mid-hug, “I’m doing better now” I respond. His laugh his so natural and smooth, nothing forced or awkward about it. He follows to my room and is asking me all sorts of questions, how long I’ve lived here? How is the area? What is the food like? As if he’s moving in with me. I lead him through the blackness of my apartment while all the more holding his hand. He fully clasps my hand as if we were taking a trendy Instagram photo.
As we get into my room, I shut the door — “Oh we have mood lighting.” I respond with a chuckle, “I do want to see more of your face at some point.”
Nearing the end of our meet, he says “do you mind if I stay and cuddle?” And I’m not opposed to that. We lay on the left side of my bed and opens his arms expecting a full embrace. I lay down next to him where grabs my head and places it into his built chest. There was this familiarity of belonging. He starts making conversation, what I do, who I’m into, what I like to on my weekend off. He isn’t skipping a beat while keeping me in his embrace. In my mind, “could we make the most out of no time together”, it wasn’t so much falling in love as it was infatuation.
And then I ask, “why did you write an ad on Craigslist?”
He responds with a smile and says, “I feel bad.” I immediately ask “why…” “I’m bi-sexual and I’m cheating on my girlfriend.”
I pull back, “wait… seriously.” He responds with a nod while covering his face. I lean into him and ask him, “why?” To which was simple, “I love her but I needed to explore and I’m glad I found you.” I let those words soak into my head for a minute in silence. “Are you mad at me?” I respond, “No, because that’s on you.”
He turns into me and says, “I’m having mixed feelings right now and I’m swaying into you.” He kisses me while he continues to play with my hair and as we lay there for another 3 hours.
We begin to talk deeply about aspirations, school, goals in life, work life and more. It felt in that moment that I had found a soulmate who understood what I meant.
As the clock struck 5 a.m., he gets up, “I have to go. I’m sorry I can’t stay.” I reply, “It’s fine — I understand.” He turns on my light and gets a good look at my face, “you’re even more beautiful.” His soft spoken words pierce my heart like an arrow. It’s like he had struck gold.
This is a personal essay aimed to strike dialogue and conversation — photo sourced from pexels, illustration sourced from Pixabay, collage by Anthony Rogers — Get more editor’s corners in your inbox weekly!